Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Saturday, 16 March 2019

Kedgeree

My Curry Here

Smoked haddock kedgeree, with added petits pois and raisins why. Because they seem to go nicely. This recipe has been refined for more than a quarter century (I made it once in 1993, then suddenly again today). Wife says it's terrific, and she's a fantastic cook, so there's always that.

Preparation time: 15 minutes.
Cook time: 40 minutes.
Serves 4.
Main Ingredients:
  • 300g smoked fillet of haddock
  • 4 eggs
  • 100g frozen petits pois
  • 300 ml milk
  • bunch of coriander
  • 2 bay leaves
Rice Ingredients:
  • 300g long grain easy cook rice (well rinsed)
  • 1 large onion (finely chopped)
  • 30g raisins
  • 1 tsp ground coriander
  • 1 tsp ground turmeric
  • 2 tsp roasted curry powder
  • 1 chicken or vegetable stock cube
  • 2 tbsp rapeseed oil
Method:
1. Very important: partition your ingredients into rice and non-rice work areas!
2. Fry the onion in rapeseed oil until translucent (about 5 minutes).
3. Add the spices & salt seasoning; stir and continue frying for a couple of minutes.
4. Add the rice, raisins, crumbled stock cube, and 300ml of water.
5. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes, while...
6. ...poaching the haddock and bay in 300ml of milk, until flaky.
7. Drain the milk from the fish pan into the rice, then roughly flake the fish.
8. Cover the rice pan and remove from the heat.
9. Add the petits pois to the fish (they'll defrost almost instantly).
10. Boil the eggs for 4½ minutes, then plunge them into cold water.
11. After 5 minutes, peel and quarter the eggs, then add to the fish along with the rice and coriander.
12. Mix gently, season with black pepper, then serve with any additional herbage
(e.g. parsley, if you like that sort of thing).

Friday, 1 March 2019

Smiddy Shank Soup

A Photo Essay

A very hearty and rustic Ham Hough Red Lentil Soup. Seriously, if they had this recipe in Zelda: Breath of the Wild, it would break the cookery system. It brings health, stamina, attack and defence boosts, while simultaneously providing resistance to heat, cold and electricity. One plate of it would fetch at least two hundred and eighty rupees. Pro tip: for an additional speed boost, replace the carrots with "swift carrots".

Preparation time: 20 minutes.
Cook time: 3 hours 15 minutes.
Serves 8.
Ingredients:
  • 800g Blair Drummond Smiddy smoked ham hough (shank)
  • 2 baking potatoes
  • 1 large onion
  • 3 celery stalks with leaves
  • 6 carrots
  • 250g red split lentils (well rinsed)
  • 4 garlic cloves
  • 2 stock cubes (vegetable or chicken)
  • 6-8 black peppercorns
  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano
  • 1 bouquet garni
  • 2-3 bay leaves
Method:
1. To 3 litres of boiling water in a pot, add the ham, bouquet garni, peppercorns and bay.
2. Boil for 2½ hours.
3. Meanwhile, back at the vegetable station...
...peel the potatoes, onion, celery, carrots & garlic.
4. Dice the potatoes, onion, celery, and four of the carrots.
5.Crush the garlic and grate the remaining two carrots.
6. At the 2½ hour mark, remove the ham from the pot.
7. Skim the water, then add the potatoes...
...the chopped carrots...
...the celery...
...the onion...
...the grated carrots...
...the crushed garlic...
...the oregano and stock cubes...
...and finally the rinsed lentils. Simmer for 45 minutes.
8. Strip the ham off the shank and add back into the soup before serving.
9. It sticks tae yer ribs. Serve with a twist of pepper.
Acknowledgements

I am gratefully indebted to my beautiful assistant and arm model @catsjamas for her help with the visual production aspects of this project.

Monday, 18 June 2018

Japanese Numbers

The New Job

Nowadays I'm working in medical research. One recent task was to internationalise some UI, then localise it into Japanese. With little in the way of a clue how to do this, but having built up some Audible audiobook credits over the spring months, I decided to take advantage of my three hour daily commute to learn a little about the Japanese language and culture. After all, there's every chance I'll soon have the opportunity to visit Japan on the company ticket, and I'd like to be able to speak to people in their first language, without causing humongous offence. So I bought a couple of Teach Yourself Japanese audiobooks.

Linguistic Regularity

Boy, did they do a job on me. You would never think, looking at the Japanese writing system, reputedly one of the most horrendously complex in the world, that this language could be a clean and tidy, logically lovable, stone fox. But I was soon smitten. I mean, just look at some of these features. There are no singular or plural nouns, there's just the noun. The verb to be, one of the most irregular in my native tongue, doesn't conjugate at all; it's just like I be, you be, he she or it be. Month names are like first month, second month, and so on. Dates are in perfect ANSI order: the greater subdivision always comes first, so it's year-month-day, or yyyy-mm-dd. Ideal for sorting by computer! There are only 47 syllables in the language, and every vowel is always pronounced the same.

Of course that's just the first flush of romance; eventually reality and entropy make themselves heard. There might indeed be so many welcome regularities in Japanese, but then they go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "there are three levels of formality for every sentence", or "men and women speak with subtly different inflections." This last, together with the fact that most teachers of Japanese are female, has the interesting consequence that male learners usually, unwittingly, start off sounding quite effeminate.

Numeric Logicality

But then there are the numbers. The Japanese counting system is beautifully simple and regular, with very few exceptions in structure and pronunciation. Again, the first idealistic impression is somewhat spoiled by reality, this time by the introduction of "counters". These are little particles which must be appended to numbers, when counting objects. Surprisingly, the particular counter used is often based upon the physical appearance of the thing being counted. Then again, certain numbers cannot be used in counting certain types of thing, but must be substituted with other special purpose counters...

Still, the basic counting system is quite easy to learn, interesting too, and if nothing else can at least be used while you count through the steps of kata in your chosen martial art (mine is press-ups-do). I considered it potentially a big win, both mathematically and scientifically, to count as high as I possibly could using this system. As a study aid I made a little text file, delighted to realise that all the kanji characters and superscript numerals available in unicode were supported in Notepad. Printed out and laminated in A6, it became a pocket reference card. Later in A4 format, it would become a placemat suitable, used in conjunction with a transparent plate, for learning your ichi-ni-san while eating your sushi.

Original Text Version

The version below can be copied to the clipboard as text, then saved in Notepad. Just remember to select one of the Unicode options, such as UTF-8, from the Encoding drop-down list.

0  〇/零  zero/rei  JAPANESE NUMBERS REFERENCE CARD  * Learn these exceptions!

       1            10               100              1,000           10,000
1   一 ichi       十 jū            百 hyaku         千 sen        一万 ichi-man
2   二 ni       二十 ni-jū       二百 ni-hyaku     二千 ni-sen     二万 ni-man
3   三 san      三十 san-jū      三百 san-byaku *  三千 san-zen *  三万 san-man
4   四 yon      四十 yon-jū      四百 yon-hyaku    四千 yon-sen    四万 yon-man
5   五 go       五十 go-jū       五百 go-hyaku     五千 go-sen     五万 go-man
6   六 roku     六十 roku-jū     六百 ro-ppyaku *  六千 roku-sen   六万 roku-man
7   七 nana     七十 nana-jū     七百 nana-hyaku   七千 nana-sen   七万 nana-man
8   八 hachi    八十 hachi-jū    八百 ha-ppyaku *  八千 ha-ssen *  八万 hachi-man
9   九 kyū      九十 kyū-jū      九百 kyū-hyaku    九千 kyū-sen    九万 kyū-man

10⁵ 十万 jū-man       10⁶ 百万 hyaku-man       10⁷ 千万 sen-man

10⁸    10¹²   10¹⁶   10²⁰   10²⁴     10²⁸   10³²   10³⁶   10⁴⁰   10⁴⁴   10⁴⁸
億     兆     京      垓     𥝱/秭    穣     溝      澗     正     載     極
oku    chō    kei    gai    jo/shi   jō     kō     kan    sei    sai   goku

10¹² 一兆 itchō      8x10¹² 八兆 hatchō        10¹³ 十兆 jutchō †
10¹⁶ 一京 ikkei      6x10¹⁶ 六京 rokkei      8x10¹⁶ 八京 hakkei

10¹⁷ 十京 jukkei †     † Multiples of 10:  change -jū to -jutchō or -jukkei
10¹⁸ 百京 hyakkei ‡    ‡ Multiples of 100: change -ku to -kkei

10⁵²⸍⁵⁶       10⁵⁶⸍⁶⁴       10⁶⁰⸍⁷²       10⁶⁴⸍⁸⁰       10⁶⁸⸍⁸⁸
恒河沙         阿僧祇     那由他/那由多     不可思議      無量大数
gōgasha       asōgi        nayuta        fukashigi    muryōtaisū

How It Works

The first thing to do is memorise the top left column, digits 1 to 9, and 10: ichi, ni, san, yon, go, roku, nana, hachi, kyū, jū. Note that the horizontal bar along the top of a vowel just makes it sound "long" - some guides use double vowels for this purpose.

Next, to form the numbers 11 to 19, just use literally ten-one, ten-two, ten-three, etc. So that's jū-ichi, jū-ni, jū-san, etc.

Multiples of ten up to ninety are found in the second column: ni-jū (20) is literally two tens, san-jū (30) three tens, and so on. Intermediate numbers are simply concatenated or added together, so 42 is "four tens two", or yon-jū-ni.

It's a similar story for multiples of 100, found in the third column, although there are three little exceptions to be aware of - more or less subtle variations in pronunciation. I've marked these with asterisks. So although 3 is san and 100 is hyaku, 300 is not san-hyaku but san-byaku; note the hard 'b' sound here, and also the hard 'pp' in 600 (ro-ppyaku instead of roku-hyaku) and 800 (ha-ppyaku rather than hachi-hyaku).

Multiples of 1,000, as seen in the fourth column, also have exceptions marked at 3,000 and 8,000, although there isn't an exception for 6,000, which is just business as usual: roku-sen.

Chinese Roots

Reaching 10,000 there's another little surprise in store, and quite an important one. It might help a bit to think first about English powers of 10. Notice that 100 (one hundred) and 1,000 (one thousand) both begin with the word "one", whereas 10 (ten) and 10,000 (ten thousand) don't. But actually, there is an old English number "myriad", one of whose older meanings is literally ten thousand. We might therefore think of 10,000 as "one myriad", and in fact that's similar to what the Japanese, following on from Chinese tradition, actually do. Ten thousand is best translated into Japanese via "one myriad", hence ichi-man.

With that in mind, column five otherwise proceeds much as before: 20,000 is ni-man (two myriad), 30,000 is san-man, and so on without further exceptions. But we have just passed an important milestone here. Just as our big numbers tend to group themselves into powers of 1,000 such as thousands, millions, billions, trillions, and so on, each time multiplying by 10³ and adding another comma, so the oriental tradition is to partition into powers of 10,000, and groups of four digits. The importance of this structure is reflected in the use of the ichi (one) prefix for 10,000: not just man (myriad), but ichi-man (one myriad).

The same caveat will apply to all subsequent powers of 10,000. But before getting to those, look at the next few powers which are not multiples of 4, and don't need the ichi prefix. As shown immediately below the main table, we already knew how to construct:
  • one hundred thousand (100,000  = 10⁵ = ten myriad = jū-man),
  • one million (1,000,000 = 10⁶ = hundred myriad = hyaku-man), and
  • ten million (10,000,000 = 10⁷ = thousand myriad = sen-man).
Next, we shall alight upon the Big Sequence, the powers of 10⁴ spanning 10⁸ to 10⁴⁸ (one quindecillion!), listed in the second horizontal table.

To Infinity And Beyond (almost)

So, now we avail ourselves of the long line of Powers of Myriad (that's definitely the name of my next witching and wizarding trilogy, watch out JK). We have reached 10⁸ which is labelled oku, but since 8 is a multiple of 4, we have to prepend this with ichi. Thus, 10⁸, or a hundred million, becomes ichi-oku. Two hundred million is ni-oku. And so on.

Things chug along quite nicely until we reach one trillion, or 10¹². Everything we've covered so far leads to the expectation ichi-chō, until we stop and consider the clumsiness of that utterance. Surely that is the reason the wise Japanese have decided to contract it to itchō. Similarly, eight trillion becomes not hachi-chō but hatchō, while ten trillion is not jū-chō but jutchō (with the shorter u).

Similar exceptions apply to the next big multiplier, 10¹⁶ (which becomes not ichi-kei but ikkei), as well as multiples of this by 6, 8, 10 and 100. There is a pattern to the modifications in these cases, codified by the daggered comments in the bottom half of the reference card (or placemat).

Finally, we reach the bottom 3 rows of the card, where the only reliable historical sources contradict each other. In a denouement reminiscent of the war between American and British billions (see Wikipedia for details, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_large_numbers), there's a forking schism in which the same terms are used to count, simultaneously and incompatibly, using multiples of 10⁴ and/or 10⁸, into an uncaring infinity. Of limited scientific use admittedly, but why not take advantage of the Creative Commons licence, and print out and laminate your own set of Japanese Numbers placemats?

Thursday, 17 November 2016

My Collie Here

Meet our Archie

Every cat needs a collie, and this is Cleo's new wee brother, Archie.

"Wee" brother is right. Although he's grown to double her size, in the 4½ weeks he's been with us - compare the picture on the right with the one below, taken 4½ weeks later - he still gets "Wee Archie" due to his determination to cover the whole house in a uniform coat of wee!

Actually, that's a bit unfair. When he came to us at exactly 8 weeks old, he was already trained to go on the puppy training pads, and had more or less a 100% record on those. But that was only for wee; anything more demanding would be deposited instantly and immediately, just wherever he happened to be, as the mood took him. Now that we've started trying to take away the training pads, the result - with apologies to Kevin Bacon - has been a return to Everything Everywhere.

End of the Tunnel

Yesterday he attended his first puppy socialising class at The Dogs Trust, where he did us proud with his precocious knowledge of the Sit, Stay, and Down commands. All credit to Linda there, for her decades of experience training very intelligent border collies.

Socialising per se was less successful. Archie has had to be kept away from other dogs for longer than is usual, because his breeder failed to immunise him against deadly diseases such as Parvovirus. We didn't find out about this until we took Archie to our own vet, for what we thought would be his second and final inoculation, but which turned out to be a complete restart at day one.

So yesterday, two weeks later than he should have, he finally got to meet other pups. He was timid and reluctant, and basically failed to do so. However the instructor expressed his confidence that this delayed development can be put right over the coming month.

Archie and Cleo, everybody!

Saturday, 3 September 2016

Sundry Surround Sound Recordings

Planned Obsolescence

At the time of purchase in May 2015, my current universal (DTS/SACD/DVD-A/Blu-ray) player, a Pioneer BDP450, cost me a featherweight £159. Just over a year later it's "unavailable", unless I'm willing to settle for a refurbished model from Ebay. Reasonably priced multichannel DTS/SACD and DVD-Audio players are becoming really hard to find, even from the manufacturers who invented these formats. At present the best available options appear to be:
  • PIONEER BDPLX58 (£449 at Richer Sounds)
  • CAMBRIDGE CXU (£799.95)
  • OPPO BDP105D (£1,099)
  • PIONEER BDPLX88 (£1,099)
No wonder then that collectors of surround sound DVD-Audio recordings, and even more so those of multichannel DTS media or SACDs, are feeling increasingly under siege these days. For how much longer will we be able to play these purchases? How many more times will we be able to afford a new player, when the last one packs in and its perishing rubber wheels and belts and lasers can't be replaced?

This is a partial list of my surround sound recordings by format. It will let me sit and grieve as first DTS, then SACD, then DVD-A, and finally (sooner than you'd think!) Blu-ray playback become impossible. Then I will at least be able to see at a glance each month, exactly what fraction of my collection has now become permanently unavailable to me. It's also a work in progress, since I have no intention of losing the bad habit of buying these wonderful recordings; currently I'm looking forward to the much-delayed Steven Wilson remixes of the early Roxy Music albums.

Top 100+ Speciality Multichannel Studio Mixes

This first table lists recordings where a studio engineer (usually Steven Wilson or Jakko Jakszyk ;-) has carefully pored over the source material, and arranged things in space to produce a curated, meticulously arranged, surround sound experience.

Artist or ComposerAlbum TitleYearPhysical Media
SACDDVD‑ABlu‑ray
Ian Anderson Homo Erraticus2014✓
Bach Bach Classics 17xx✓
Bass CommunionLoss2006✓
The Beatles Love 2006✓
Beethoven Beethoven Classics 18xx✓
Symphony No. 6 "Pastorale" 1808✓
BlackfieldBlackfield V2017✓
David BowieThe Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust...1972✓
CaravanIn the Land of Grey and Pink 1971✓
Eagles Hotel California 1976✓
Hell Freezes Over 1994✓
ELP Tarkus 1971✓
Trilogy 1972✓
Brain Salad Surgery1973✓
Flaming Lips Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots 2002✓
Fleetwood Mac Rumours 1977✓
Genesis Trespass 1970✓✓
Nursery Cryme 1971✓✓
Foxtrot 1972✓✓
Selling England By The Pound 1973✓✓
The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway 1974✓✓
A Trick of the Tail 1976✓✓
Wind & Wuthering ✓✓
...And Then There Were Three... 1978✓✓
Duke1980✓✓
Abacab1981✓✓
Genesis1983✓✓
Invisible Touch 1986✓✓
We Can't Dance1991✓✓
Gentle Giant Three Piece Suite 1970-2✓
Octopus 1972✓
The Power and the Glory 1974✓
Handel Handel's Water Garden 17xx✓
Gavin Harrison Cheating the Polygraph 2015✓
Jethro Tull Stand Up (The Elevated Edition) 1969✓
Benefit (A Collector's Edition) 1970✓
Aqualung 1971✓
Thick as a Brick1972✓
A Passion Play 1973✓
War Child 1974✓
Minstrel in the Gallery 1975✓
Too Old to Rock'n'Roll: Too Young to Die! 1976✓
Songs from the Wood 1977✓
Heavy Horses 1978✓
King Crimson In the Court of the Crimson King1969✓
In the Wake of Poseidon 1970✓
Lizard ✓
Islands1971✓
Larks' Tongues in Aspic1973✓
Starless and Bible Black 1974✓
Red ✓
Discipline1981✓
Beat1982✓
Three of a Perfect Pair1984✓
THRAK1995✓
Radical Action (To Unseat The Hold...) 2016✓
Marillion Misplaced Childhood1985✓
The Moody Blues Days of Future Passed 1967✓
On the Threshold of a Dream 1969✓
To Our Children's Children's Children ✓
Seventh Sojourn 1972✓
Mozart Mozart Classics17xx✓
Mike Oldfield Tubular Bells 1973✓
Hergest Ridge 1974✓
Ommadawn 1975✓
Five Miles Out 1982✓
OpethStill Life 1999✓
Deliverance & Damnation 2002/3✓
Watershed 2008✓
Heritage 2011✓
Anthony PhillipsThe Geese & the Ghost 1977✓
Wise After the Event 1978✓
Slow Dance 1990✓
Pink Floyd Atom Heart Mother (Devi/Ation, quad) 1970✓✓
Echoes (Reverber/Ation, quad) 1971✓✓
Meddle (Reverber/Ation, 5.1) 1971✓
The Dark Side of the Moon 1973✓✓
Wish You Were Here 1975✓✓
Porcupine Tree Stupid Dream 1999✓
Lightbulb Sun 2000✓
Deadwing (2 copies, 1 signed) 2005✓
Fear of a Blank Planet2007✓
The Incident2009✓
Riverside Love, Fear and the Time Machine 2015✓
Roxy Music Roxy Music 1972✓
Avalon 1982✓
Schubert Schubert Classics18xx✓
Simple Minds New Gold Dream (81-82-83-84) 1982✓
Sparkle in the Rain 1984✓
Once Upon a Time 1985✓
Steely Dan Gaucho 1980✓
Everything Must Go 2003✓
T. RexElectric Warrior1971✓
Tchaikovsky Tchaikovsky Classics 18xx✓
The Nutcracker 1892✓
Tears for Fears Songs from the Big Chair 1985✓
Trondheim Solistene Divertimenti 2008✓✓
In Folk Style 2010✓✓
Rick Wakeman The Six Wives of Henry VIII 1973✓
The Myths and Legends of King Arthur... 1975✓
The Who Tommy 1969✓
Quadrophenia 1973✓
Steven Wilson Insurgentes 2009✓
Grace for Drowning 2011✓
The Raven that Refused to Sing 2013✓✓
Drive Home ✓
Hand. Cannot. Erase. 2015✓✓
4½ 2016✓
To The Bone 2017✓✓
XTC Drums and Wires 1979✓
Skylarking 1986✓
Oranges & Lemons 1989✓
Nonsuch 1992✓
Yes The Yes Album 1971✓✓
Fragile (2002 - Rhino) ✓
Fragile (2015 - Panegyric) ✓✓
Close to the Edge 1972✓✓
Tales from Topographic Oceans 1973✓✓
Relayer 1974✓✓

Notice that most of the Yes titles are double entries (in fact Fragile is a triple): the DVD-Audio and Blu-ray editions of these are of course equally essential.

The Loneliness of the Long Interval Musicologist

The Year column is problematic. Every recording has its place on multiple chronologies; for example, the life and development of its composer, its conductor, and its performing artist(s). The difficulty is that different performances naturally emphasise disparate chronologies, and a single date field in a table or database struggles to accommodate these variations.

For the historical study of musical development, the time stamp of primary interest is the date of composition. Sadly this is not recorded in typical media metadata, such as the ID3 tags on MP3 files. The "Year" recorded there represents the release date - when the particular edition was issued. Now, for most "popular" music (in the strict Amazon.com sense of "anything non-classical"), this is close enough to the date of composition; but for all of the recordings listed here, without exception, the release date for the multichannel edition is many years later than that of first publication of the original material, and the problem is only worse in the case of classical works.

Generally I've tried to get as close as possible to the date of composition. That means for popular works using the year of first issue, and for classical, the historical year (or century, for compilations) of composition. Still there remain intractable inconsistencies. For example, all of the material on the Beatles' "Love" album was recorded and issued long before Cirque du Soleil went shopping for a soundtrack in 2006. Finally, there's Daniel Barenboim. When the focus of a classical recording is neither composer nor performer, but instead a famous conductor, then I use the performance date.

Live Surround Sound Music Videos

This second table lists live video recordings of musical performances that just happen to have a surround sound component, often limited to a feeling of ambience in the hall where the recording was made. These are the second class citizens of the surround sound community, and this collection listing will be incomplete.

Artist or ComposerAlbum TitleYearPhysical Media
DVDBlu‑ray
AshTokyo Blitz2001✓
Daniel Barenboim Knowledge is the Beginning / The Ramallah Concert 2008✓
Neujahrskoncert 2009 2009✓
Europakonzert 10 2010✓
Mahler Symphony No. 9 ✓
The Salzburg Concerts 2011✓
BlackfieldNYC - Blackfield Live In New York City2007✓
Dream TheaterLive at Budokan2004✓
Score2006✓
David GilmourRemember That Night 2007✓
Led Zeppelin The Song Remains the Same1999✓
Led Zeppelin2003✓
OpethLamentations 2006✓
The Roundhouse Tapes 2007✓
Live at the Royal Albert Hall 2010✓
Orphaned Land The Road to Or Shalem 2011✓
Porcupine Tree Arriving Somewhere... 2006✓
Anesthetize 2010✓✓
Steven WilsonGet All You Deserve 2012✓✓
Yes Symphonic Live2002✓
YesSpeak2003✓
Acoustic2004✓
Live at Montreux 20032007✓
Youssou N'DourLive at Montreux 19892005✓

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

My Cat Here

Meet our Cleo

Of course the Internet is made of cats, everybody knows that. So here is our latest contribution, and indeed our latest family member: Cleo, aged almost one and a quarter.

Actually she's still at the Scottish SPCA rehoming centre right now, just awaiting a little dental scale and polish, and whatever other surgical interventions might be appropriate (ssshhh). But she has been duly reserved, her new home is ready and waiting, and we've been busy planning and buying her new toys and other worldly chattels.

Cleo strikes you at first as a quiet wee lass - indeed, "A very timid little lady" is the first entry on her vet's record. She's recently lost her owner(s), sadly no longer able to take care of her. And just at this time, with all she's been through and the upset in her life, she can appear a little reluctant to make new friends. But she didn't have to spend too long as a rescue kitty. As soon as she appeared in her temporary accommodation quarters, as soon as she came forward to get tickled, as soon as she miaowed, she was all ours.

Insofar as any cat can ever be said to belong to any of us... anyway.

The very lovely Cleo Kerr, everybody!

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Pioneer DEH-1400UB

CD RDS Tuner with WMA/MP3 Playback and Front USB

Update: Halfords upgraded my dodgy Pioneer to a superior - and 40% more expensive - Sony, free of charge! Nice customer service.

To: The Manager
Halfords

Dear Sir or Madam,

Last November my wife purchased a Pioneer car stereo, model number DEH-1400UB, from Halfords as a birthday present for me. It was later fitted, by Halfords personnel.

Fitting took a full two hours instead of one. One reason given for this was that the mechanic did not have the necessary tools to hand. When the job was eventually completed, my new car stereo appeared to work, electrically speaking; however, it seemed mechanically to be quite loosely fitted, as the right side of the unit did not appear to be fixed to the dashboard, but just flexed in and out quite freely.

The earliest opportunity we had to get this apparent fault inspected and fixed was during the Christmas holiday break, when another mechanic showed us that one of the two fixing bolts had apparently been cross-threaded and stripped - in fact he found the missing bolt within the dashboard cavity. He told us that we would have to go to our Honda dealer and order a replacement part for this. My new car stereo unit, its mounting hole having apparently been similarly stripped during the original fitting attempt, would also have to be replaced.

The replacement part arrived and we collected it from Hamilton. Still in December (I think) we returned to Halfords, brand new Honda mounting bolt in hand, to have the replacement stereo unit fitted. This time, after the requisite hour, the unit seemed to be firmly and correctly mounted.

However

We immediately noticed that the unit was prone to skipping and jumping when playing CDs. It would also cut out entirely while the car was not even moving, e.g., while parked or stopped at traffic lights. Then in January, while driving smoothly along a main road at about 10mph, i.e. no bumps, quite suddenly three of the speakers went silent, while the fourth (offside rear) jumped up in volume and became distorted. Also, the unit’s firmware appeared to have “crashed”, as none of the controls - volume up/down, band/channel change, signal source - had any effect. Fortunately the OFF function still worked.

Upon telephoning Halfords that afternoon, we were instructed to bring the car back on Monday at 2pm, to have the unit looked at.

Meanwhile, we continued to run the unit as a radio tuner with its volume turned down to zero, so that we could at least get the functionality of a dashboard clock out of it. Then on the morning of Sunday 20th I decided, while parked, to very cautiously turn up the volume. I discovered that all four speakers were working once again. However after only a few minutes of operation at this low volume, three of them packed in again, leaving only the offside rear working, with distortion, as before. This time however the unit’s firmware did not crash, and volume up/down etc. appeared still to work.

When we telephoned again at 1pm on the Monday to confirm our upcoming visit at 2pm, we were told that the shop was “fully booked” and that we would have to pick another day. The next day (Tuesday) unfortunately being unsuitable to us, we were forced to agree on 3pm, Thursday - one full week after reporting these latest faults.

Meanwhile

On Tuesday, while parked and listening to the FM radio, I noticed the station signal fade then disappear, leaving only a little faint radio noise. I nudged the frequency up then back down exactly one single notch, using the </> buttons, which caused the unit to retune correctly. This happened several times.

On Wednesday, again while parked and listening to music from my phone using the AUX input, I noticed the volume in the right side fall to zero, then return after a minute or so. This also happened at least three times.

This purchase is now two months old, and still we have been unable to get a single day of fault-free operation out of it. In fact while driving we have been forced to continue to keep its volume at zero, in case it decides spontaneously to jump up and distort again, a terrifying prospect which could easily cause a serious accident.

Having encountered such a bewildering array of faults, I am almost at a total loss to explain them - and I have a university degree in electronics! Perhaps the unit has a secret remote control, and someone is hiding in our rear seat pressing buttons at random? And I mean every single button. That might explain it...

I say “almost” because I do have a serious theory, namely: sloppy firmware programming, combined with poor power line noise suppression. But my theories are neither here nor there, and I guess you do have many other customers happily using this same model.

Just to Recap

Recent faults have included:
  • CD jumping (brand new shrinkwrapped CD, vehicle stationary)
  • Spontaneous power down (while playing brand new CD)
  • Triple speaker failure
  • Single speaker distortion
  • Complete loss of control of all functions (except power OFF)
  • Tuner jumping to a random frequency (vehicle stationary)
  • Right speakers fading (vehicle stationary)
We have completely lost all confidence in this particular manufacturer and model of car stereo.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Eliot Reads Prufrock

I Come In Value Packs Of Ten

The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, by Thomas Stearns Eliot, is my favourite poem. Not that I've read them all, I mean all the poems in the world, before arriving at this objective decision; that is not what I meant at all. There are far too many poems in existence to have done that, seriously, there's literally dozens out there. But of the five or six that I have read, Prufrock is quite definitely the best.

So I quite enjoy listening to the poet's own recitation, and ever since playing the old vinyl record at a friend's house in about 1980, have always been within a lodger's lunge of such a recording. Today, deciding to legalise our relationship, this poem and me, I grabbed a few spoken word MP3s from Amazon: The Waste Land, a scratchy old clipping suite encoded at an average of 62¼ kbps (and extravagant at that if you ask me); Prufrock itself; and one other, The Triumphal March From Coriolan.

Immediately, the 20 minute duration of the Prufrock file caught my attention. You see, Prufrock is my party piece. Well, it's either that or a Pogues-informed The Band Played Waltzing Matilda, Eric Bogle's despairing Gallipoli dirge, which nevertheless does have the advantage of being an actual song. No, I don't get invited to a lot of parties... you knew? You are not blind! How keen you are! On second thoughts it might be more accurate to describe Prufrock as: the piece I would recite on the night bus home from George Square, in order to ensure my evening ended with a good, sound beating up. Playing relentless Status Quo on your ghetto blaster works almost as well.

But I divest. I knew that, even after ten pints of Stella Artois, there's no way to stammer, slur, stretch and deform a recitation of Prufrock over more than about 10 of those 20 minutes. So what was going on? Firing up foobar2000, I discovered that both of the higher bit rate files contained multiple works.

I Call That A Bargain

01 - The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.mp3 actually includes the first three poems (which belong together anyway) from Prufrock and Other Observations, and finishes with Mr. Eliot's Sunday Morning Service. Here's the cue sheet:

00:00 - The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock
08:20 - Portrait of a Lady
15:35 - Preludes
18:20 - Mr. Eliot's Sunday Morning Service
20:00 - [end]

02 - The Triumphal March From Coriolan.mp3 contains the following:

00:00 - Ash Wednesday
13:45 - A Song for Simeon
16:15 - Marina
18:33 - Triumphal March From Coriolan
21:45 - O Light Invisible (from The Rock)
24:20 - Chorus from Murder in the Cathedral
26:30 - Chorus from The Family Reunion
28:20 - [end]

I guess someone read the original LP's bipartite title, T S Eliot reads The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock & Triumphal March From Coriolan (link goes to a March 1959 Gramophone review), and decided just to rip and label sides A and B accordingly and respectively. So there you have it: get 'em while they're hot, eight and three-halves poems for the price of two. As for The Waste Land, well those files didn't contain any Easter Eggs. Incidentally if you'd like to hear that latter masterpiece in full, the Harper Audio is rebroadcast in various formats (though not MP3) by the Internet Multicasting Service here, and of course less legally throughout YouTube.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Happy Birthday (3) To Me

This Little Blog is Three

Three years behind the masthead. Macro blogging is officially dead, social media in the ascendancy, and still I won't roll down the shutters and scarper. What the hell is wrong with me!

Targets

I can only think it must be love. So then, how's my blogging frequency been holding up? At the 2009 outset, declared goals were:
  • two posts per week, on average;
  • half of those technical, half not;
  • half of the technical posts to be security related.
Once again, the answer is: not bad, could do a little better. Having just escaped Facebook on the second attempt, I can look back and see how some of minor comments I've made there, for example last year's broken links to toasted cheese or mismatched shoes, might otherwise have grown into short blog posts. So the Zuckster must accept at least part of the blame for those.

Unpopularity Analytic

About 1,500 page views per month, last time I checked. Low enough to avoid most comment spammers, but just high enough to retain my interest.

As for the blog's original motivation, namely the introduction of security related software development, that's been superseded by the formation of something called a SCARB group in our (new, extended, all-inclusive and thoroughly democratic) Development Department. When the Security subcommittee (that's me and my pals, the "S" of the group moniker) enters a less dormant phase, this little blog will be one of the first to know.

Previously:
Happy Birthday To Me
Happy Birthday (2) To Me
Birthday candles courtesy of Wikipedia.

Thursday, 26 July 2012

RIP Free Cellular Web Access

And A Mystery Solved Thanks To XKCD

My original Amazon Kindle, with its free global access to 3G networks and its experimental browser, was a Christmas gift from my wife, having been inspired by my apparent inability to organise my dead tree storage. This browser uses the same connection that all 3G-equipped Kindles use to download books via Amazon's Whispernet, and until recently, it offered access to as much of the world wide web as you could take. Usually, that wasn't much. The browser renders like treacle, while pages don't look terrific on the monochrome, electronic ink display.

But it was functional, and quite useful on continental holidays and other occasions when we found ourselves temporarily without WiFi access. Just as recently as, well, earlier this very month, I had cause to be grateful for Linda's decisions (-; in both cases, against my better judgement ;-) to buy me (a) a Kindle, (b) with 3G connectivity. Sitting in the garden outside our French gîte, I reached the end of my chosen holiday read (a pulpwood edition of The Hunger Games) and wanted immediately to download its sequels, whilst simultaneously checking out a few blog updates.

That was then. Today, as I read on El Reg, Amazon have started exercising their reserved, small-print right, to throttle this free 3G access at just 50MB per month. Obviously having learned from both the Sony experience and their own previous missteps, they are following this course in preference to just switching off free 3G access altogether.

However...

There still remains a mystery in the detail. This post on the MobileRead forum reports the cutoff message, followed by another:
I got a second message saying that I'd have 24 hours of grace to continue to use 3G for Web browsing, but that after that I could use 3G only for visiting Amazon.com, Wikipedia, and the Kindle Store.
Certainly, retaining free access to both Amazon and the Kindle Store makes commercial sense. But why should Wikipedia be particularly exempted?

That's when I remembered the above XKCD cartoon, from 3½ years ago. Click through for the full version. Although the answer isn't in the printed cartoon itself, it's in Randall Munroe's floating text that appears when you hover over it:
I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Oh, That Would Be A Fine Trick

After a quiet month or two, I've started hitting my stride again. I've reached my quota of four technical articles for this month, two of those security related (however vaguely). This means I can relax, and fill up the rest of June with popular culture references. Let's enjoy a couple of my favourite tricks from last year's Penn and Teller: Fool Us series. This first is by the Canadian World Champion of Magic, Shawn Farquhar:



This next shows the maestros themselves doing what they excel at. They let the audience in on both the joke and the magic, while still overfilling with enough additional indirection to ensure our ultimate bewilderment:

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Caring and Sharing

Who knows what possessed my friend Scale This! to seize on this particular tweet of mine, immortalising it through the medium of ceramic mug?


And What Is Truth?

In the perceived software development wars between academic ideals and commercial pressures, the first casualty, according to the ingenious definition supplied by Alfred Tarski, is unlimited satisfaction.

My first CS tutor at university, in a 1976 introductory lecture, first stressed the need to make every program solve "in some sense" the maximum possible set of problems, before going on to say Hello World in FORTRAN. Contrast that with the philosophy behind some of today's popular industrial methodologies - Agile, Test and Behaviour Driven Development - where the stated goal is to write just the minimum amount of code satisfying strictly delineated requirements.

The trouble with the lean and sparse approach is just that, assuming we know what we're doing, we do tend to design complicated systems in a modular way, ideally using plug-in replaceable components. These components need to have readily discoverable characteristics, specifications, and interfaces; they should not be capable of surprising us. In an audit scheduling application, a control for selecting a date should never be constrained to use only future dates, on the justification that audits can't be scheduled for the past (and support for past dates would require extra coding effort in the control implementation).

Evolution

Finding the happy medium can involve a certain degree of oscillation. In the early days of our company, I and others championed the idea of a Code Gallery, holding chunks of reusable Delphi; for example, utilities for date, string and other data types, or controls such as hierarchical combo boxes. For various reasons - including a span of years spent developing just a single app! - there was never a great deal in that gallery. Most of what there was, was never in fact shared with a second project.

Source control arrived, and one fine day when my back was turned, the Gallery disappeared! Absorbed whole into the repository of our flagship product. It was impossible to protest, as by then the Gallery had come to be seen as merely a mechanism allowing code sharing across projects, and this clearly wasn't happening. Personally I thought the reduced visibility of Gallery code, which was nonetheless applied across multiple disparate modules of that single app, to be an unfortunate mistake, effectively precluding any notion of testing other than the black-box kind. A more prominent Gallery, I felt, might have encouraged more unit testing, more component-level integration testing, and eventually perhaps (step 2: "?"), better modularity and re-usability (Profit!).

Departments, portfolios and personnel all change. Today we have an internal review group tasked to investigate matters like these. One new developer in particular has done much, using not only his ridiculously popular and now-famous dynamic slide shows, but more importantly his own experience of design methods, code review, sharing and reuse, to begin once again promoting awareness of our roles as both producers and consumers of each other's output. This is a good time for our department!

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Meeting Music Heroes

One Up

Pen pal Murray Easton recently posted his recollection of buying Gary Manny "Mani" Mounfield (Stone Roses, Primal Scream) a lunchtime pint in 1999. It's a good read, definitely getting across that joy of meeting one of your true life heroes - who turns out not only to be a good guy, but in Murray's words, to exceed your expectations.

Now, I'm never going to try to one-up Murray; he does run his own music management company, after all! But that read prompted me to copy into this blog, from various other places, descriptions of a few times when I've managed to meet up with my own personal musical heroes, and more particularly, when I've bought them a drink...

Bitter Medicine




Name: John Fiddler
Band: Medicine Head
Venue: Strathclyde University Students' Union, Glasgow, 1976
Drink: Pint of Bitter

Before the gig I found a well-moustachioed John sitting entirely unmolested in the Beer Bar, chatting with his bandmate Peter Hope-Evans (Medicine Head were a duo at this time), and nursing a pint of bitter. Uncharacteristically un-starstruck, and yes I may have had some Dutch or other national courage, I casually asked if they'd like another. John accepted, Peter declined. Assuming they were settling pre-performance nerves, I naturally and respectfully left them alone just as quickly as I'd arrived.

This was an odd gig. Despite the fact Medicine Head were universally known for the quite slow, blues-influenced gentle rock and sway and Jew's harp of their singles, John kept insisting on telling everyone to get up and "dance like an idiot, go crazy!" Two girls at the front and centre of the performance area (there being no stage) duly obliged all night, but it seemed like everybody else just wanted to continue sitting on the floor, drinking their beer, smiling broadly, and smoking something with quite a sweet perfume. "Medicine Head" indeed.

Orange L




Name: Steve Hillage
Band: (ex-Gong)
Venue: Strathclyde University Students' Union, Glasgow, 1977
Drink: Fresh Orange Juice

Another somewhat unremarkable encounter, though at the time quite thrilling indeed. Though the air was every bit as fragrant, I remember the crowd being quite a lot more active than the Medicine Head massive, and doing a lot of their dancing horizontally, under the discarded coats at the back of the room.

Hurdy Gurdy Glissando was a wee bit spectacular in the small room setting. Some of us got the chance to tell Steve so afterwards, over some fruit juices.

Yes - Sorry About the Shirt

Alan White!
Name: Steve Howe, Chris Squire, Rick Wakeman, Alan White
Band: Yes
Venue: Playhouse Theatre, Edinburgh, 2003
Drink: Brandy (for Chris, served in a pint of beer)

Rick & me!
A great concert, better than YesSymphonic according to my wife because Rick was there! Followed by a remarkable after-show gathering at the Edinburgh Sheraton Hotel, organised by Brian Neeson for the Scottish Yes Network. Jon appeared briefly at the entrance to the function room, but didn't come in; I think he may still have been suffering some back pain after the notorious incident of The Ladder And The Fairy Lights. Could only happen to Jon.

Our favourite bass guitarist was first at the bar, followed soon by Alan, Rick, and Steve. All were more than happy to talk to the fans, pose for photos, autograph programs and so on.  Rick was his usual convivial self. Alan is the nicest chap on the planet. Steve joined in just as much as anyone, though for a somewhat shorter time. And when we offered Chris a drink, he studied the gantry for a minute, selected a good brandy, then promptly poured it into his pint! Ah, the hectic lifestyles of those crazy rock'n'roll kids...

(From http://jmkerr.com/db/Yes_2003.htm)

The Two That Got Away

Also in 2003 - I've waited almost a decade to publish this, out of respect for my heroes' privacy - Linda and I took her mum with us on a caravan holiday in Embo. And just like this April, we all took a day trip from the east coast to the west, and Ullapool, augmented as then by the obligatory Achiltibuie scenic route. Having spent a terrific afternoon on the sunny beach there, we were driving along the single track road to the village when I got distracted by a little green car, a left hand driven Citroën (or was it a right hand Morris Minor?) speeding towards us. As we stopped to let it race past, I suffered the illusion of its prescription windscreen magnifying the golden tresses of Robert Plant, surrounding his wide grin, beaming and waving to us from the passenger seat.

We drove on to the Post Office, where I sat dazed and... speechless. That was Robert Plant, I eventually managed to squeeze out. Rubbish! explained Linda. Who? added her mum from the back.

Later, driving back toward the main road, I continued belabouring the assertion we'd just passed the original Golden Rock God™ on a Highland dirt track. Then rounding a corner where the road widens temporarily, we passed a black limousine, with smoked windows and the registration ZL7, heading the other way, followed by an entourage of assorted vehicles. I swear I heard music pounding, and peering briefly through the windscreen, discerned the unmistakable outline of Jimmy Page in the middle of the back seat.
Reflexively I spun the car around, racing them back to the little deserted beach where we'd just spent our afternoon. We arrived at dusk. Planet Zeppelin converged in that place that day, celebrating the release of their new DVD. There was music and merriment and naked dancing and whisky and every flavour of sex and drugs and did I mention sex. I'd brought my guitar with me, and later that evening, gave Jimmy some advice about that tricky Stairway opening...
Actually the only U-turn I made was into fantasy fiction at the previous paragraph. That year I'd decided to bring my mother-in-law instead of the guitar; we were in no shape to gatecrash an all-night wild beach party. The rest of the journey back to our Embo caravan was... I'd say, inconsolably quiet.