Friday, 11 June 2010

I Killed My Wife...

...'s Interest in Cookery Programmes... the simple expedient of pointing out - with the honourable exceptions of Keith Floyd R.I.P., and Rick Stein - how frequently every TV chef utilises (and almost always incorrectly) the word "literally". For example: "Then the Kiev will literally explode with a garlic aroma." Sounds more like Chicken Chernobyl, than Kiev.

It really does appear to be the sole quadrisyllabic entry in their cooking lexicon. And now, when any of her favourite cookery programmes comes on the telly, she just can't stop herself from playing "Literally Bingo". Truly I have completely ruined one of her favourite pastimes.

TV chefs aren't the only people who both habitually overuse and entirely misapply this word. There are also those AWFUL Americans (that's not just some random insult, incidentally; if you haven't met it before, it's the acronym from Americans Who Figuratively Use "Literally").

Here's David Mitchell complaining just a little about their Queen's English usage habits:

Actually I think I've finally made my peace with the American "I could care less"; let's just assume they've dropped an initial "As if", leaving it now silent, and implicitly understood. Hereby is logic painlessly restored. This was not easy for me to do, because a favourite variant (to which I claim authorship) runs thus: "I could care less, but it would take more effort."

Yet one greater bugbear of mine, with these darn Yanks, still remains: their use of "dumb" (mute, or vocally challenged) to mean "stupid" (Republican)...

Anyway, good luck in the 2010 World Cup, America, and always try to remember that in spite of the name, other nations are also competing. Who's that you're playing first? Engerland?


Update: Though we may have hoped and dreamt, still we never truly believed you would deny our Auld Enemy their opening win - especially after you went down in the 4th minute. Apparently. I was watching on HD, where it actually ended USA 1-0 England! So, For The Win: well done guys.

Also, still finding it hard to believe that we willingly sat through an England football match, while Scotland's rugby squad - away! - were so historically hammering Argentina on the other channel. I could care less! Literally!

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